When the other moms in my mommy group start talking about their kids going to sleep at 7 o’clock, my eyes glaze over. What that must be like. To be able to get laundry done without a tiny terrorist pulling everything out of the basket for you, do dishes without someone screaming at your feet, to vacuum without a 17-month old insisting he push the vacuum instead. Only in my wildest dreams would that ever happen. Even though it might make cleaning way easier and give me some “me time,” I have a few reasons to keep my son’s bedtime right where it is – somewhere around 10 PM every night.
Our little one gets his two naps during the day and is still going strong most nights when we decide it’s finally time to go to sleep.
I’ve heard everything from well-meant criticisms about our choice to getting looks that just scream “you’re an irresponsible parent.”
The thing is, my husband works varying hours every week. Sometimes he’s home at 4:30 in the afternoon and we can cook dinner together, run errands, and actually spend time together. Other nights, especially in the summer when it gets dark out later, we might not see him until 7 pm or a little later.
If my son were on a “traditional” bedtime schedule, he could very well be asleep before my husband even sets foot in the door.
This isn’t okay with either of us.
For me, it’s more important to have dinner together as a family and get to spend a few hours together in the evening as a couple – parenting our child. I think it’s really important for him to see his mom and dad interacting, even though it makes my daytime schedule a little more hectic.
At the cost of having some time in the evening to myself, I instead regularly get 3 or 4 hours with my husband and son together when we get the chance to act like a family. We sit down to dinner together, we clean up together, run errands together, and even (gasp! hiss!) watch TV together.
Plus, we bed-share, so our son comes to bed with us when we’re ready to settle in for the night too. That’s actually my favorite time. Snuggling up to both of my favorite men and watching them both drift off to sleep. Why pass that up just so my son can have an earlier bedtime?
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely see the perks in having a baby that goes to sleep at 6:30 or 7 o’clock at night. I fantasize about the things I could get done.
The problem is we wouldn’t have any family time until the weekends, and even then, that can get iffy.
My husband regularly works on Saturdays too. So now we’re down to literally one day a week together as a family. Nothing about that feels right to me.
Okay, so the vacuum runs for a solid half hour while I try to get just one room vacuumed with my son “helping.” The dishes might sit in the sink a little longer than I’d like if I didn’t get to them during his nap.
That’s the price we pay so that our “Nugget” gets to see his mommy and daddy working together as a team to put dinner on the table. We bathe him together. He falls asleep between us after playing his little heart out with both of his parents – every.single.night.
I really don’t think there’s any question about how beneficial that is for our son to see.
I completely understand that what works for us won’t work for everyone. There are some families without two parents and some that can’t be together because one parent is busy fighting for our freedom overseas. Do I fault these families for not spending quality time together every night?
We’re just in the position as a family that by having a really late bedtime for our son, we’re able to spend a lot of quality time together every night and we have decided that’s best for our little ones.
At the end of the day, I’m fine making the unpopular choice, and I think you should be too – whatever that is for your family.
We’ve been criticized for bed-sharing and I’ve heard that it will hurt our marriage, the bedtime routine only compounds that. We were put down as though we weren’t happy with our son when we announced we were trying to get pregnant again when he was less than a year old (we conceived Dumplin’ when our Nugget was just 9 months).
My point is, these choices are, without a doubt, the right ones for us.
Popular? Nope. But we’re happy. I encourage you to sometimes make the “unpopular” choice.
As soon as you have kids, you have opinions coming from all directions about how to raise them and critics come out of the woodwork to critique your parenting. I say to hell with all of them. You find a rhythm that works for your family and everything just falls into place.
So go ahead and make the choice that makes people look sideways at each other…and then be loud and proud about it because if you’re doing what’s right for your own family, you’re doing nothing wrong.
Have you ever been criticized for a parenting decision you made? How did you handle it? Did other’s criticism make you change your mind? Let me know in the comments!