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After you start officially showing, random people you don’t even know will all start to ask you the same question – “Do you know yet what you’re having?” Then, when your belly gets even bigger, they’ll ask you “Is it a boy or a girl” assuming you know the answer.
My response is always “we don’t know, we decided not to find out.” Some people congratulate us on our determination, other people respond “oh my God, I could NEVER do that!”
They say “I’m a planner”, “I need to shop!” “But how will you decorate the nursery?”
These are pretty easy for me. I’m a planner and a control freak too, but I honestly don’t want to know the sex of the baby I’m carrying. How will we decorate the nursery? In white boards and lists and other control freak stuff, because the nursery is in our bedroom – we bedshare.
If you’re pregnant and are coming up to that appointment where you can find out if you’re carrying a boy or a girl, PLEASE take a minute and consider just for a second, holding off finding out what you’re having.
Here are some reasons why:
- It’s the one big surprise you actually get in life. With our first son, we had been purposely trying NOT to get pregnant, and then found out we had a little one on the way. It was the best surprise ever and we truly had no idea. Usually though, you’re trying to get pregnant or at least not preventing it. You might be excited to get that positive pregnancy test – but probably not completely surprised.
- You can still shop! There are tons of unisex options out there, or you can do like my husband and I do – buy for both! We have always wanted 4 kids, so whether baby number 1 was a girl or a boy, we knew we’d probably end up using stuff for both genders at some point. Plus, we shop for most of our things at yard sales and thrift stores, so there really isn’t a huge expense to buying both boy and girl options.
- You’ll end up with tons of gift cards and cash. At our baby shower, we ended up with lots of amazing gifts, but I’d say more than half of those who came gave us gift cards or just cash as a gift. This was the biggest blessing because we had no idea what we actually needed for a baby! We returned a lot of things and ended up with still more gift cards. We actually STILL have a few of those gift cards from that shower 17 months ago. You can buy what you actually need as you realize what supplies you really need as a parent.
- It helps you bond with baby on a different level. Not knowing what you’re having lets you make decisions about the baby’s personality without imposing any typical gender roles on the baby. It’s easy to say “he’s going to be a brute” when you have a really enthusiastic baby kicking all day or “she’s going to be a dancer.” When you don’t know the sex, you are just filled with wonder about what this little personality growing inside of you is going to turn out to be.
- You won’t be disappointed. I honestly think if I were to find out the sex of my baby, I’d either be disappointed we weren’t getting our girl this time around or disappointed we weren’t having another boy because I love being a boy mom so much. A good friend of mine had 3 kids and didn’t find out the gender with her first two. When she was pregnant with her 3rd, her sister convinced her she was missing out on bonding with the baby not knowing its sex. She went ahead and found out – she was having a boy! She hadn’t realized she had been hoping for a girl until she found out she was having another son. She says she immediately regretted finding out because she felt so guilty for not being over the moon about having another boy. Of course you’re going to love this baby no matter what! There’s just something about not knowing for sure what you’re having until you actually are holding that little person in your arms that is just so incredible.
- It’ll make people mad. Yep, I’m listing this as a pro. I’ve always been one to go against the grain and I don’t mind it if people get upset with a personal decision I make. It will drive people crazy that you won’t find out the sex of the baby and people will accuse you of knowing and just not sharing it with them. Take back control of your own pregnancy and stand up for what you really want if that’s to have a surprise in the delivery room.
- Other people will be jealous. I’ve talked to SO many moms who said “I wish we would’ve done that!” when told that we weren’t finding out the sex. I always tell them to do it if they have another baby – you won’t be disappointed!
- Most importantly – It makes labor and delivery easier. Yep, I mean it. It really does. When I was delivering my son without any pain medication at all, all I kept thinking was “I’m about to find out what this baby is!.” When I felt like I couldn’t push anymore I kept saying to myself “the sooner you push this baby out, the sooner you find out what it is!” It’s one of my biggest tips for getting through natural childbirth.
Did you find out the sex of your baby when you were pregnant? Do you think you could make it through a whole pregnancy without caving and finding out what you’re having? Let me know why or why not in the comments!
PS – Are you pregnant or trying to get pregnant? In my FREE Subscriber Library I offer a downloadable Hospital Packing Checklist as well as a free example of a Natural Birth Plan (which is identical to the birth plan I used!) Be sure to subscribe to Simple Living Mommy below for access!