Quick disclaimer: Simple Living Mommy is positive vibes only. I’ve received a lot of negative comments on this post from people who either REALLY hate their husbands or are just totally offended that a new mom would care about her husband’s feelings at all. Your husband BETTER be taking great care of you after you have a baby, if he isn’t, send him my way 😉 Finally, all comments are approved before they’re posted, so any not-so-nice comments are deleted before anyone can see them…in other words, positive vibes only or don’t bother 😉
You’re exhausted, confused, sore, and inundated with expected and unexpected visitors. This is the unhappy reality after bringing baby home from the hospital.
Sure, you’re excited to be a first (or second, or third) time mom, but there are a lot of not so nice experiences that come right after having a baby. Your husband is probably feeling a lot of these effects too…and he is hyper-focused on taking great care of his rockstar wife and brand new baby.
I read this book and it completely changed our marriage. Learning how to love each other the right way made postpartum SO much easier for both of us when emotions were high and sleep was nonexistent.
While any new dad had better be awesome at rocking it postpartum, that comes with a ton of stress for any parent going through the crazy stressful postpartum period.
That husband that you made that beautiful little bundle of joy with is going through some pretty hefty emotions too. Even though it’s 100% your job to completely focus on your own recovery and bonding with your new baby, just a few really easy changes in the coming days and weeks can make all the difference to the new daddy in your house while making your own life easier!
Step one is getting that hubby a new daddy manual. I absolutely love this book for new dads.
Our Story
When we first brought our new little one home from the hospital, we had no shortage of stress.
It was during a crazy snow storm in Pittsburgh, our pipes were frozen, our baby came 5 weeks early so we weren’t prepared, and I had a bad case of the baby blues.
My husband, who is always so content and loving, had to deal with all of our craziness all by himself while I healed and took care of our new tiny person…and then still have the energy to help me recover, support me emotionally, and learn to be a new dad.
He’s a rock star and never once complained – even when he switched jobs and we moved 7 hours away when that tiny person was just 5 weeks old (if you’ve followed this blog for very long, you know we’re completely insane and make stupid decisions like this often 🙂 ).
It finally occurred to me that the love and patience I needed from him needed to flow both ways.
Here are some quick tips to make the transition a little easier on him too –
- Include your husband in decisions with the baby. Even small things like letting him pick out the baby’s outfit can go a long way.
- Don’t criticize his attempts at parenting. It doesn’t matter if a diaper is on crooked or even backwards. Laugh it off. You might not realize it right now, but you’re making amazing memories together that you’ll be able to appreciate one day.
- Give daddy some trust with the new baby. Fight the urge to hover or be present every second. This is just as much for you as it is for him. Take that time to yourself and do the things you loved to do before you had a baby. Even if it’s just a few minutes to sit down with a book or take a quick bath. Now that our son is a little older, my husband showers with him on a regular basis. They’ve done this since he was probably 9 months old. My husband puts on old country music that I can’t stand, and they stay in there singing and squealing at each other. My husband wouldn’t trade the one on one time for anything, and I’m betting our little one wouldn’t either.
- Help prioritize your marriage by telling your husband what you need. Let him focus on your marriage and making you happy while you focus on bonding with your little one. It can be as simple as telling him it would mean a lot to you if he got up through the night just so you don’t feel alone when baby needs to nurse at 2 am. Those late night feedings are lonely! Wake his butt up too!
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- Even before the 6 week post-partum “go ahead” there are lots of ways to enjoy some quality “alone time.” Sex is SO important to a marriage, but it doesn’t have to be just intercourse! Find your energy, and then find 10 minutes to enjoy each other. You can read my tips for having an awesome sex life when co-sleeping here. Having that quality time with my husband made me feel normal again – something I totally needed. After I had our first baby I felt like a totally different person and as though my body wasn’t mine anymore. Getting back to flirting and romance made me feel like not just me – but US – again.
- Take advantage of nap time and have little dates. We like to throw picnics in the middle of our living room floor. Even if you’re too sleep deprived in the very beginning to do anything enjoyable, make some time to snuggle together for your own nap while baby is napping. The oxytocin rush from a short cuddle session might be all the date night you need!
- Never underestimate the power of compliments! Give your husband plenty of kudos for all that he is doing to help you in your recovery and in taking care of the new little one.
- Ask for help! You’re doing all of the work after having a baby – breastfeeding, getting up at all hours of the night… While some husbands might be perfectly content to sit back and let you do it all, most men who love their wives WANT to be a part of it all and want to help with the transition. It might sound counter-intuitive, but feeling needed is exactly what your husband needs right now when your time is mostly taken up by a new baby. Ask him to intervene with unexpected guests, to help figure out something for dinner, to get involved with your nursing relationship with your little one…there are so many ways to include hubby in this new adventure!
Don’t Forget…
Most importantly, try to soak up all of these beautiful moments because they pass too fast! It’s the effort that you’re putting in that will really stand out to your husband.
Even if you’re having trouble keeping your eyes open during your picnic dinner date in the middle of the nursery floor, your husband will notice the time that you took to put some emphasis back on your marriage.
Compliments, asking for his help, and appreciating out loud to him the help that he does give you can go a long way in reassuring your husband that he still has the biggest place in your heart after the new baby arrives. Take the time to make your husband feel special during this beautiful time. I promise, you’ll be so happy that you did!
What tips can you offer to first time parents to help each other feel special and included? What are some things you wish you had done when you first brought baby home from the hospital? Let me know in the comments!
More Like This…
What Your Husband Wants You to Know About Sex During Pregnancy
Elle
Monday 29th of January 2018
Hey Lucy!
I'm sorry you feel this way. I love including my SO in baby activities and complimenting him and doing things with him that help us to feel connected to one another. He does the same for me, and when our relationship is strong it is much easier to parent together and hopefully we are demonstrating healthy relationship to our daughter by prioritizing our connection to one another. I hope that your relationship has improved since you wrote this comment.
Carly
Friday 17th of March 2017
I think the MOST important thing for me to realize after my baby was born was that I had to be less controlling when it came to all the baby things. I may never even have realized that on my own, so thank you for this!!
Kari
Thursday 16th of March 2017
I can attest that these tips are so good and so spot on. I was so anxious that I was going to make mistakes when my first daughter was born, that it trickled over to my husband, who didn't pour over the educational baby books like I did, and so I did not "let " him help as much as I should have. I felt so badly about haven taken away opportunities for him to get to know her and bond with her in his own special way. It's awesome that you are always thinking about your spouse and have shared this tips with other new and young moms. I wish you were around when I was preggers for this reminder!! xoxo
Tracy Lynn
Thursday 16th of March 2017
I just love the simple tips you give! What a nice way to remember you are a team. One sweet and loving gesture on your part will only encourage the same from that amazing hubby of yours. :) Speaking as a mom who has raised her boys, I have learned from experience. If you want love, compassion and support the easiest way to get those results is to first give love, compassion, and support. Have you ever been to a store and was waited on by a grumpy employee? Oh, I have and I love it! I totally take the kill them with kindness approach and you know what? It works every single time. By my showing compassion and understanding that employee always does a 180 on their attitude before I leave the store. The same holds true for our hubby's and our children. Kudos, love, understanding, and appreciation will only foster more of the same. You are wise beyond your years my dear! Excellent advice we could all use in any situation. :)
Costa
Thursday 16th of March 2017
Love your ideas. Love the diaper point. Made me chuckle. My husband did that. You brought up very good points. Having another little person does make you forget about the emotional state of your husband.